I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
