How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize