I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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