I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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