God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
