He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
