We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
