I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
