You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
