those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
