that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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