Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
