sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize