I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
pray to the hookup gods
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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