I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
