life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
