The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
