i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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