Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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