Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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