laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
