I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
