forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
