I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
