Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
