The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
