All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
