Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
