wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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