This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
