what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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