I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
