Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
