can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Is it because I queefed?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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