He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
