Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ok first of all what the fuck
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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