I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
