We need to rekindle our bromance
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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