Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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