Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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