its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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