nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
