I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
