my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're like the curious george of whores
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
