Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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