Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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