I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
