In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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