I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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