I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize