You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
