Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
