No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
