I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dicks are not precious.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
