OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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