Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
