it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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