she was so not down for the gang bang
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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