A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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