SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize