What did we do last night that was yellow?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
