she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
