i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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