yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize