google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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