This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
