I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
