Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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