so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
