I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
