I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize