He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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