friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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